say something that makes no sense that captures the spirit of the experience nonetheless
say something that makes no sense that captures the spirit of the experience nonetheless
that’s it I just did the instruction is the completed assignment
but wait compadre the other end of the black hole isn’t in sight yet
I’ll tell a story to pass the time until we arrive last monday after dawn got home
I set off on a bunch of errands that began with a trip to the co-op rush hour traffic
darkness and rain such that the freeway felt like driving through a wet sweater
I was comfortable though with the heater on and the stereo turned up listening to
my latest mix tape for the first time I won’t list songs just hear satisfying stuff
in the background of this poem the co-op of course was packed I navigated
like a pro however football player that is wending my way through shoppers
and staff stockers and people socializing in front of the produce scale doubling back
for forgotten items and my basket neatly tucked away to no one’s inconvenience
crossing things off my list circling what I’d have to get elsewhere noting prices natch
in the left-hand column adding it all up like a muttering in the corner rainman
to make sure I had enough cash telling the check-out volunteer
“shopping here is more stressful than driving” yet I was inflated as I said it
touchdown see toss the full cloth bags on the backseat the car the road now
they feel like my friends east on pacific left on lilly I’m in the far turn lane
when a woman leaves the stream of oncoming traffic to cruise past her peers
in the empty inner turn lane to my left like earlier in the day on capitol
when a hubcap rolled off the back wheel of the car in front of me they drove on
and the rest of us slowed to swerve I shouldn’t impute motivations though
meaning this lady at night maybe she couldn’t see the double yellow line in the dark
crossed over briefly for some reason lost her place to the car behind her
and if I’d looked in my rearview mirror maybe I’d have seen her a new student
struggling to get to a classroom or locker through the crush of cliques to fit in
what am I saying though that’s an assumption too just more sympathetic
and better for casting light on another facet of myself phenomena blink on and off
like passing headlights in our lives relating to others means letting go level
heart not head so nothing’s spilled and nothing adverse slips in next stop
group health to have my glasses fixed two nights before with no warning or sound
while watching a dvd with dawn one of the plastic lenses had popped back against
my eye like a giant contact lens trying to gain entrance a screw was loose
lost next in the dirt on the floor when I handed the glasses to dawn
I had duct taped them now as I waited to be seen in the “see center” I looked
at thicker frames considered passing as a member of weezer ten years
after being into that band but for practical reasons as I explained
to the glasses technician who took away my wire frame glasses to be repaired my baby
often reaches up and grabs them looks shocked that he’s unmasked his dad ok
I tempt it by kissing his belly before this though still browsing spy ware
my cell phone buzzed dawn wanted to know if I was still at the co-op I said no
and she said she was going to suggest something else when I said I’d tossed in
frozen pizza dough because I’d seen a tupperware of leftover sauce in the fridge
she said that was it her idea I said see that’s why we’re married psychic connection
she had come home with a bad headache from not enough lunch or sleep the previous
night also she was recovering from the cold robin now had I’d get it too
but then leaving with even the untroubled screw tightened I felt exultant rainproof
although none was falling as I walked to the car maybe my mood repelled it
I had time for one last stop kinko’s back on pacific to copy my mix’s liner notes
I felt magnanimous slowing to a crawl stopping then starting for people
crossing from the parking lot into the stripmall’s albertson’s what else
am I allowed to say I savored the maritime black my automobile rolled over and shat
from whale oil repository to war oil guzzler with little associative color thrown in
crude spill too remember asphalt has fossil fuel in it also so this metaphor really
drives itself in circles I had to make half one then go straight to get into a space
in front of kinko’s an upside-down question mark the dot my destination
because of a huge puddle which actually seems to gurgle maybe from a backed up
storm drain I’d only finished the color front side copies when two guys
appeared at my elbows like detectives about to make my joseph k life begin
I knew it but no “can you help us push his car it’s right out there” I asked the
blue aponed shop steward to watch my stuff joined them and two others roped
in all of us I now see like a quickly corralled altruism posse it’s no poetic
contrivance that this took place just a dozen yards down and a couple lanes over
from where that lady transgressed traffic mores but symmetry does mean we’re
halfway between something and the end of its reflection retracing our steps in reverse
in fact after this I took the freeway entrance across the street from the exit that
had poured me out a block above the co-op earlier enough skipping ahead through
I’ve got to go back but further actually especially to lard on content to justify this
midpoint business note I’m sewing this narrative together á la anacoluthon mode
here’s a definition to help with that big word “an abrupt change within a sentence
to a second grammatical construction inconsistent with the first sometimes used
for rhetorical effect” we’ve got that literally here but also chronologically plus
what metaphysically maybe more back when I pulled south onto lilly with my
outlook apparatus freshly adjusted I passed the various driveways for st. peter’s
hospital as I have many times since last april the parking lot where our car sat
for several days the white and yellow rothko glow of the building through the trees
this night for the first time just a glimpse of all that took me back to robin’s birth
”because of that place him” could have been my quick mental equation anywhere
we pass through in our lives could be said to equally form who we are
that place for my son though was the start looking there overlaid my love
for him and the journey he’s begun onto that I was currently on in my car lenses
layering before me into the distance a tunnel we’ll take to the flooded
parking lot in front of kinko’s we me and the three other guys first had to push
the car uphill from the edge of the puddle while the driver sat in the seat
and quickly put on the break when we’d backed him into a space then with brief
words about the best way to position ourselves we lay our hands on his trunk
pushed the car down the incline the driver steering wide around the water so he
rewound with my help the question mark track I’d recently laid down we watched
until his engine caught and he drove off then without a word our pit crew dispersed
none of the other guys came back into kinko’s so maybe they’d been plucked
from the bus stop up on the sidewalk unlikely but possible witnesses and even
assistants civilian traffic flaggers at the scene in the street
I’d left a half hour before who will be the witness nick cave sings and isnt
that latter role what he and the churchy types he’s inspired by really mean
the part we should play in each other’s lives understudies always performing
at the edge of the stage with ad libbed or hastily memorized lines in lieu of god
the star who doesn’t even need to appear to get top billing take the two kids who
helped me at kinko’s sure they’re paid to be friendly blah blah blah stop with
the money influence topic it’s a conversation nonstarter gasbag empty tank
fodder listen unheard yourself to take it further stay in the present I mean
the moment the girl at the satellite cash register station said trial and error
was the best way to figure out how to align the front and back images friendlier
in her off the cuff honesty than an overhelpful hovering uber-employee
the moment the guy who’d watched my stuff and later wryly admitted to a woman
having trouble uploading digital photos for christmas cards that the machine
she was using should have had a different program when he answered my question
about personalized calendars and sent me away with a pamphlet on the options
when I left deliberately backing a wheel into the puddle just to see the water ripple
stopping before the unnamed strip mall arterial thinking “if I were to write about
the feelings this trip produced in me would this moment count as happiness too”
and the next look at the chandelier of headlights in my rear view mirror
the way they leave the frame each in turn like shiny golf clubs swung in succession
the universe running in place black holes a myth we pass down
to get to the truth they may not exist I heard on the radio the other day
there are dark words and themes in common among the songs on my mix
but listening to it makes me happy too especially as I see I’ll get home exactly
at six the time limit I set with dawn now this moment last that’s an
order a panorama I command refract to this point déja vu I’ve been
here before in this life this poem this spot where the two overlap